Monday, 13 May 2013

The BNP, Dial-a-Cadaver & Kidneys-R-Us announce expansion plans in UK

As you will see from the main BNP website, which details a somewhat partisan attack on our Mike Whitby, there seems to be a correlation between those journalists pursing a "progressive" cause and the distribution of awards.I have to report a similar suspicious incident relating to my recent radio performance most noted for its inclusion of homosexual penguins.

It would appear that the programme concerning the merits of indoctrinating 5-year-old children with homosexual propaganda has been nominated for a New York Festivals Award for the best documentary. Readers my recall the subtle methods used to all but diagnose me with a mental illness merely for suggesting that young kids should not have their innocence compromised by exposure to such matters.

An idea occurs to me should I actually be invited across the Atlantic to pick up the award as part of my contribution. Perhaps, in keeping with the current political/lifestyle trend, I should announce on stage that I have entered into a civil partnership with one of the penguins. Surely for such a bold, socially progressive and inclusive move I should pick up a gong myself?

More serious commercial opportunities await those prepared to exploit the preconditioned gullibility and ignorance of Britain's burgeoning flock of sheep people. It would only take a denouncement from the British National Party for a whole host of previously unacceptable business opportunities to become not just viable but potentially very lucrative.

The open sale of human flesh or body parts, after being vilified by a BNP spokesman, would no doubt find favour amongst assorted automatons preconditioned to reject everything we say as illogical hatred. Representatives from Dial-a-Cadaver or Kidneys-R-Us need only call for an instant BNP condemnation and their business could be up and running within hours.

I've already had a call this morning from the SKY Medieval Channel seeking my opinions on live dog fighting, bear baiting and celebrity seal clubbing and Monsanto are calling later about our attitude on the use of DDT. Got a business model that might be handicapped by potential bad publicity, depravity, dehumanising greed or guaranteed environmental catastrophe ? - then call the BNP now and get that vital disapproval your business or cause needs and those sheep people really deserve.